Soccer

Hi Americans.

Have you ever seen that Simpsons where Springfield goes to a soccer game that ends in a tie? The spectators are so enraged with such an outcome that they start a riot and tear the stadium apart. Makes a lot of sense huh? I never really got soccer. Do you? How could a game that seems so boring and action-free to most Americans be so appealing to the entire rest of the world? I can explain it.

Seriously.

I figured it out.

Get ready to have your mind blown America. Cause I can explain the appeal of soccer (notice me not calling it football).

My house is directly behind one of the goals of our town’s soccer field. Lots of balls hit my walls, windows and fly onto my roof and into my yard. On many afternoons I have had occasion to watch the young men of Sofara play (they play every evening once the sun has lost its bite, before it’s dark) from my roof. I have a pretty good seat. As you watch the game you realize how rare and valuable a goal is. This makes each attempt so crucial.

One day as I watching, one of the players broke away from the defenders and was charging at the goal with just the goalie between him and the precious goal. The player seeking the goal (I don’t know what any of the positions are called) was playing skins and this muscular, black, charging bull reminded me of a black stallion charging into battle before a lowly pawn. It was kind of scary. Then I realized, that is what soccer is. It’s a battle. A real battlefield isn’t boring because it only takes one fell stab to kill a man. Soccer is like two men fighting to the death. Each goal attempt is like a swing of the sword. If the men are well trained they will understand how to defend against attack and cuts will be rare. That doesn’t make the swing any less menacing. But when the blade finds flesh? Suddenly the fight has transformed, the stakes for the wounded man, the losing team have become more desperate. They must strike back or become weakened and die.

Points in other sports start to look like cheap knockoffs of a true struggle. What is another basket in basketball? I can hardly stand to watch the first three quarters of most games. Football, baseball, remember those amazing come from behinds or nail biting finishes? What if the whole game was like that. What if every score attempt was THAT valuable?

Not all games are this exciting. Some are boring, like watching two crappy, unskilled fighters or a merciless slaughter (not so sporting). What do you think?

I still like an amazing baseball playoff game though. Remember Papi’s home runs against the Yankees? Priceless. I don’t despise soccer so much anymore though.

Kids aren’t funny

OK that quote was taken a little out of context. What I actually said was “I hope my kids aren’t funny.” Cause man, if they are, I know they’re gonna be cracking me up. And it’s hard to discipline someone when they’re making you laugh. I went to watch the Independence day soccer game and I was standing with the setting sun in my eyes so I shielded them with my hand at my brow. Then this family of four siblings shows up and start talking to me and decide it would be funny to imitate everything I did. This, of course, struck me as funny as well. So I have these well dressed kids (people get new clothes for holidays. It’s like the first day of school.) following me around and imitating my every move. As long as I thought it was funny there was no putting an end to it in their minds. I was impressed with how long the kept it up too.